Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
