Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
