Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
