Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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