had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
