oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
