loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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