Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
