my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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