I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
