I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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