she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this just has baby written all over it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
