So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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