Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
