Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
