I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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