he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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