look no pants
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can you bring me the toilet please
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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