My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
