Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
