I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
