brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
