i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
