he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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