No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
