It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
