I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
