Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
