My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
