Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
