like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
