that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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