This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
