I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
