Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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