i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
