thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
