jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
