so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
