if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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