me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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