oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
