: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
