I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
