She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
