I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
