how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
