She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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