i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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