i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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