i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
