I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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