There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
