I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
