planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
