they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
