god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
