i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
