when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
