so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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