Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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